Time for a new blog... since it is no longer just Ethan and Lauren. I'm trying to figure out how to move everything over to the other one (any ideas anyone?). I tried moving one post and it got a new date. I wish I was more computer literate.

Anyhoo... here's the link to the new one, which I am calling A Journey of a Lifetime, because it certainly has been.

A Journey of a Lifetime


And the journey continues...

It's a boy!!!!

It is with tremendous joy and gratitude that our prayers have finally been answered that I'd like to announce the referral of our beautiful baby boy! He was born May 20, 2008 in South Korea. We got the call on October 29th, much to our suprise (I honestly was thinking we wouldn't get a call until late November or December though Mark was convinced all along it would be sometime in October). We plan on naming him David, which means "beloved." His Korean name is Jin Woo, which means "treasure of the house" according to our paperwork. His full name will be David Jin Woo, the beloved treasure of our house. We are over the moon with happiness! I finally feel like we are complete.

...and then there were three!

I'm here.

It has been awhile, my poor, neglected blog. I've been so completely consumed with our adoption in any spare time that I have that I haven't had the energy to write. I'm still here though, fully aware of how I've left you, my blog, out to dry so-to-speak.

We started the process (again!) to adopt. Yeah, we're still in the never-ending line for China but are a lot more optimistic about things this time around. I surely hope that doesn't come back to bite me. At any rate, as of January 4th of this year (yes, I've been sitting on this for some time, at least in the blogosphere anyway), we started the process to adopt a baby from South Korea. There was a lot of tension, dancing the "what-if" and "oh, should we?" dance that led up to that decision but it finally came down to a leap of faith. That, and watching a very dear friend get a referral (matched with a baby) from South Korea in less time than it took for us to complete our China dossier (mountain of paperwork that has to be obtained, notarized, certified and authenticated prior to your name being even added to a list of waiting parents).

The feeling of relief that washed over me as soon as we submitted our online initial application to our agency was tremendous, and unanticipated. You see, I've never been the most decisive person. I vacillate back and forth, especially when it comes to major decisions, until my head is about ready to spin and I'm usually still left perplexed as to what to do. I think this my attempt at trying to anticpate every possible outcome so as to avert diaster. Okay, so I have control issues. This was a big one though. A big decision. We're pretty sure this is it for us. 3 kids will likely complete our little family (not-so-little if you ask my husband). To consider that our child maybe would come from somewhere other than China, what I had ingrained in my mind for such a very long time, took a lot of soul-searching, quite a bit of faith and boiling it all down to what fundamentally mattered.

We want a baby. At the end of the day, that is what matters. China, Korea, Timbuktoo, it doesn't really matter. Another little person to love. A baby brother or sister for our kids. More toys at Christmas! I digress...

So, on a wing and a prayer, here we sit. We finished up our homestudy for Korea (infinitely easier, I might add, with a lot more education involved- I actually feel like we are prepared and ready this time around) April 15th and are currently waiting for a referral any day now. Unless the sky falls or something, which could happen of course.

It all just feels right, if that makes any sense at all. Our paperwork is still in China too. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it (i.e. decide what we're doing when our baby from Korea is home). If (we likely will) we pull our dossier from China, it will be when our baby from Korea is home. I know, in my heart, that doing so will feel like a miscarriage to me so I'm trying not to think too hard about that right now.

That's all for now. I'll try not to be so neglectful but no promises.

A must read

I've been trying to find time to sit down and write a review worthy of this book amidst the chaos that is my life, the whirlwind that goes along with having small children. It is difficult to find the right words to express the gratitude I feel for Jennifer Graf Groneberg's book.

Shortly after our daughter, Lauren, who has Down Syndrome was born, our pediatrician gave us the name and phone number of a woman who had a 3 year old daughter with Down Syndrome. I waited a couple of months to call her. I was completely entrenched in my own grief and inability to get my hands around my life as it now existed. Then there was the intimidation factor of calling a complete stranger, especially given my state of mind at the time. I finally mustered up the courage to shakily dial the numbers and, choking back tears, introduce myself.

What ensued was a 2 hour conversation during which Andrea, the woman to whom I will be forever grateful, laid it all out there for me. Her own story, the good, the bad and the ugly, unabashed and unfiltered. What she gave me was a gift. It was the gift of forgiveness. What had been eating away at me was my own guilt, in addition to everything else. In telling her story, laying herself bare like that, I felt like I was suddenly not alone, that I wasn't the only person who had felt these things, who had gone through this before. It was a healing kinship.

Road Map to Holland by Jennifer Graf Groneberg is just this sort of gift. In sharing her story, with all the painful, self-incriminating truths, she provides salve for the souls of all of us who have been there before or are going through it now. This book is a quiet hand-holding, a gentle whisper of "I've been there and it's okay." With incredible introspect and a deep spirituality, Jennifer shows us with a sometimes self-deprecating sense of humor and prose-like writing what a journey it was, having premature twins, one of which has Down Syndrome. What emerges is a portrait of love, motherhood and the power of the human spirit.

This was one of those life-changing books for me, of which I can only count a few. I encourage everyone to read it, whether you have had a child with special needs or not. It is a beautiful story in its entirety, a testament that sorrow indeed carves out a greater space for happiness.

I was shocked to see them. These small emblems of spring. I'd spent some time last fall planting bulbs, my first attempt, only to find them dug up and half-eaten by some vagrant animal poaching on my work. I'd honestly thought they were all gone.

We had a blizzard a week ago. 20 inches of crazy snowfall in the middle of March. It was gone nearly as soon as it came, melting, the only remnants left behind are soggy muck and a few brown snow piles. This kind of dreary weather can certainly damper the spirits. Its stuff like this though, these signs of spring popping up, lending some hope that sunshine and warmer weather is right around the corner that keeps me going.